During week 15 I had my 16 week appointment, and I talked with my OB about my concerns with Preeclampsia that had crossed my mind and given me nightmares and she suggested that I up my prescription of Zoloft.
Citing that feeling anxiety means Baby T feels anxiety.
At the time it was just my normal anxiety, and all I needed was to get the cold hard facts on preeclampsia, to know what I needed to watch for and what would happen if I started showing symptoms. I knew this was anxiety was manageable and I have a lot of anxiety with my health because sometimes things have seemed fine and they turned out not to be okay at all. I got these facts and my anxiety subsided. I knew that would be the case.
But last Sunday night I woke up around 1am and just sat awake.
I listened to a podcast, as I usually do when I cannot sleep, as it gives me something to keep my mind busy until sleep comes and sweeps me away again. This night I played a podcast on Pregnancy and delivery called, "All About Pregnancy & Birth." Which isn't as comforting as my true crime podcasts, but I had downloaded and subscribed to it, in order to get an idea of what to expect during pregnancy and delivery.
They were talking about the exhaustion that sweeps over you after delivery and while you are getting into the rhythm of motherhood. Saying that you need help and not everything should be on the Mom because you can fall asleep so easily, discussing accidentally co-sleeping.
I then was swept away in fear of all the ways I could lose my baby girl.
Stillbirths happen, frequently.
SIDS happen, not so frequently, but it has happened. So as we had just set up Baby T's crib I thought, "OH MY GOD, what if I never get to raise her in this room? Or bring her home from the hospital at all?" Then my mind, body, and heart filled with the fear of how life would go on without this amazingly important baby girl growing in my stomach. I got thinking these preparations for her arrival might be fruitless.
And the anxiety started, I felt dizzy for the next two days.
I called my OB about the dizziness, the anxiety and a weird green in my discharge. The nurse didn't comfort me at all, asking me if I had any signs of miscarriage and telling me to call immediately if I showed any signs. This wasn't the comfort that I needed to hear, but I know that Doctors and Nurses go off of an "off" feeling from the mother.
I didn't feel "off" I just have the hardest time believing that my dream of becoming a mother is finally coming true. It feels too good to be true, like when you think you have a chance with your biggest crush only to find out they really aren't interested and think you are as gross as you've always known you were. I felt like my sweet baby girl could be taken from me and I would know this is what I deserved.
When My OB weighed in, she thought I needed more protein to help with the dizziness and also recommended going up from 50 mg of Zoloft to 100 mg. And gave me a prescription for Vistaril.
I waited until Wednesday to take my extra pill of Zoloft daily.
But, thankfully since taking 2 Zoloft pills a morning, I feel so much relief and I can feel the concerns and realize that the odds of anything taking away our baby girl are overwhelmingly low.
Millions of women have babies every year. All of us are here because a pregnancy went well, and we were brought home from the hospital and lived through the low odds of SIDS.
After days of deliberations about if I should take the Vistaril, I finally took it.
I had negative side effects the Vistaril caused extra anxiety, shaking, trembling and I could not sleep Thursday night when I finally decided it was probably a safe choice. So I don't think Vistaril is right for me, I had such a hard time deciding if I should actually take it because, yes, my OB had prescribed it, but if you look it up online, it is not recommended for pregnancy.
The odds of a stillbirth are 1 in 160 pregnancies, this is low compared to the chances of miscarriage that are 1 in 4 at the beginning and they gradually start lowering, and there is a belief that the chances are even higher in women with Crohn's like myself.
There is also an increased risk of stillbirth with Crohn's, I don't know the statistics on that, what I know is the causes. If my Crohn's flared, I would have to get it under control immediately. Likely meaning I would be hospitalized immediately for a flare.
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