Another thing I really struggled with these last few weeks is feeling accepted and loved by my loved ones. I don't know why this is an issue that flares and wanes inside me. Some days I really struggle with inadequacy.
I feel like a burden because I am not working. And it feels like everything I do is wrong. My blog is always criticized and I feel that is probably always going to be the case. That just comes with the territory of sharing yourself.
I feel like I am draining everyone around me with my difficulties. I am exhausting to my loved ones who don't want to feel sorry for me anymore.
I cried to my husband 2 weeks ago about how I feel like a constant disappointment to him. He slaves away all day working and then struggles to relax in the evening.
I don't know what I should do to help him feel better.
Do you struggle with feelings of inadequacy as well? How do you try to remind yourself that you are enough? Are there actions you take that help?
Last night I cleaned out the bedrooms and bathrooms for our guests coming on Monday. Today I am going to do some cleaning in the main rooms of our home, washing counter-tops, vacuuming and mopping all the floors. Do some real deep cleaning so that when I look at my spotless home, I can feel a sense of pride and relaxation. My parents are coming to visit so having the home in order will make me more comfortable with the company staying with us.
Fall is upon us, it is my FAVORITE season! I loved football games, the falling leaves, back to school and pumpkin patches. While I won't get to take part in football games, back to school or pumpkin patches this year I will still get to have a wonderful cozy fall and I have confidence that this fall we will conceive our baby to grow our little family. Today I am getting to curl up with a candle lit as I write my blog. It is chilly today, so it's a perfect day to spend cleaning indoors.
I am still hoping the chill in the air carries in all the positivity that it has every year before.
I hope that it brings more comfortable cuddles with my husband and bonfires with all the smells of the autumn air. I am hoping to get lost in the deep autumn tones, the Halloween movies and specials, and spiced flavors.
Oh this fall should be a wonderful one, that brings so much healing to my poor broken heart. I just want to disappear into the leaves that fall and the endless fields of apple trees and pumpkin patches.
I think the Levothyroxine is evening out some days I am still so exhausted and dragging through the day. When even a small stretch in yoga sparks pain in all my muscles and walking from room to room is draining. But some days I am almost myself again. I feel like I have some super powers when I get to do yoga without strain or a speed walk feel comfortable again. I joyfully run around the house cleaning and reorganizing. I live for the good days with high energy and know that I have oh so many more to look forward to.
This morning, in all my Fall Glory, I made a homemade pumpkin spice latte; it is the tastiest cup of coffee I have ever had. It is made with our breakfast medium roast coffee with sweet cream creamer, pumpkin spice, allspice, cinnamon and nutmeg. It tastes like heaven; I let out an audible MMMMM when I tried it. Oh, how I love my fall flavors.
I am not actually much of a coffee person, I just made some today because I was dragging when I woke up this morning. I had no desire for breakfast and I am putting off the cleaning that I know I need to do around the house.
Yesterday, our day was spent with my in-laws. It was a great day with them, just visiting.
Today I am on cycle day 16, and I am not really sure about how ovulation has worked out this month because I am having the symptoms typical of ovulation right now. I had fertile cervical fluid last night and this morning I woke up with a low BBT again.
So maybe today I will ovulate. My breasts are VERY sore and heavy.
I have been feeling a lot of positivity and excitement that this could be the month we conceive. I had my very long cycle after the D&C and then I had my very short cycle last month, so now this will hopefully be my first normal cycle.
I feel like we stress too much about the baby-making action and therefore have a hard time relaxing and enjoying ourselves when trying to conceive, so I have worked at putting that out of my mind.
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