Hello my beautiful readers,
Things are getting ready for a new change in our household. I am starting to look for a new job, hopefully one I can do remote so I don't have to face the public yet with coronavirus still being so prevalent. I am quite nervous about it since I am so immunocompromised. Humira and Imuran are both medications designed to turn off your immune system. My immune system wass constantly attacking myself with the belief that it was not healthy, so these medications keep those white blood cells in check. In exchange they also can't do their job and fight off when I do actually run into illnesses that they need to be attacking. So because of this I catch everything that I run into, especially when no one else seems to catch it. I also am completely wiped out for much longer than the average person because my body is trying to fight off the illness without being able to bring the full force.
In 2017 I caught Clostriduim difficile colitis, pseudomembranous colitis (C. Diff. Colitis) when I was completely by myself and never could track the exposure. I was sick for 4 months. I didn't get it too sick, thankfully. Most people who have fights with C. Diff. that don't have luck getting rid of it end up hospitalized and have pretty dangerous health issues. I had a mild case that I just could not kick. Thanks to my white blood cells not being able to bring in the troops. I had to try 3 different treatments before finding what actually got rid of it.
As you can see in the picture above you can't tell that someone is sick many times. This day I was miserable, I was going into my second treatment for the C. Diff. I was throwing up and had constant diarrhea. My Doctors only advice was "don't eat" I was terrified that I would get a Crohn's flare and life as I knew it would be over. It was my first time being completely on my own, just got my own health insurance and lived alone in my first apartment I was hanging by a thread.
C. Diff. marked a change in me. I was suddenly aware that I had a weak immune system and would have to start protecting myself a bit differently. I needed to be careful during social events and vigilant in my cleaning. So since then I have feared running into any illness.
The next year I worked for a month at a bar as a waitress and got the stomach flu very badly. No one else from work or my home got the illness. I was out for a week and ended up quitting my job at the bar out of fear of contracting further illnesses.
Later that year after my bosses daughter walked through our building when she was recovering from an upper respiratory flu and didn't touch anything. Two days later I had the same flu and was out for another week. Taking Tamiflu and getting plenty of rest. I was in so much pain it was one of the worst pains I ever suffered.
In 2018, I somehow caught a stomach flu that I swore was a relapse of Crohn's. My now husband, at the time boyfriend came and picked me up from my apartment and brought me to his house and took care of me while I was throwing up and having diarrhea. Found out too late, a few days later when he started throwing up and having diarrhea that I had a stomach flu. We hadn't remotely worried about me being contagious because I was so sure it was Crohn's related since it came from no where. I was feeling fine and then all of a sudden I was miserable.
Now this year I got an illness that they deemed to be some type of virus the week that coronavirus hit the US. I had the worst headache and sore throat and was throwing up but tested negative for the flu and strep throat so the Doctor had told me to go back to work but work asked that I work from home for good since we were unsure what the virus was. That one cleared up on its own a few days later.
So I tend to live in constant fear of catching something, anywhere. I am not much of a germaphobe but I do have to be careful of where viruses can live. I think it would take very minimal exposure to coronavirus for me to catch it and we don't have much to predict how my body might react to this novel virus.
So while I feel ready to go back to work I don't feel safe public-facing, or even coworker-facing because I do a mental run through in my head every time I touch one of my loved ones about who they have come in contact with and who they have been in contact with has been in contact with. It is such a scary time.
I don't know that coronavirus would be devastating to my health but I don't want to take that chance. I don't have great kidneys thanks to my years and years of harsh medications for my Crohn's. I have never heard that coronavirus affects kidneys but I feel if I have everything else in perfect health my kidneys won't be so detrimental to me in the long run.
I sympathize with every other immunocompromised person right now, it is such a scary time in the world. I can't wait for a coronavirus vaccine to come out. I will be getting one as soon as they allow me to. I get a flu shot every year and I think that saves me from getting the flu every year.
I know that I cannot live my entire life in fear though. I know that I can't let my anxiety keep me from living my best life. I can just make the majority of my decisions with my health and immune system in mind.
In fact I have been much more daring than my husband in this quarantine. I am the one who goes out to get fast food or run to the grocery store, I have gotten us ice cream. While out on this trips I think about where germs may have spread and what needs to be washed before touching my face.
Are you immunocompromised? What have you done to keep yourself safe?
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