The Days are Long and Hard

Yesterday was the hardest day I had since the day I found out I lost my babies almost two weeks ago. I think my hormones are regulating and that is part of why I was feeling so terrible yesterday. I am still on my "period" I am back to my pre-pregnancy weight and size, my boobs have shrunk back to normal and my waistline is it's normal fluffy instead of incredibly bloated. I am no longer burping all the time which is nice because I could not breathe when I was burping

60 times a minute.

I finished my second box of Oreos in less than two week this morning, it will be good to no longer have them in the house. Hopefully that will help me make healthier snack choices, I usually try not to keep junk food in the house to keep myself and my husband making better food choices but the depression that fell on me helped me lose all motivation to be my best self.

I have an "Open Non-Monetary Issue" with my unemployment so I have been calling them 20, 30, 40 and 50 times a day trying to get through. They are just too busy to take my call and people who have been on it longer are having issues they are trying to get fixed too. It doesn't make it any less frustrating though.

We have at least one leaking skylight in our home so I am also trying to deal with getting roofers out here to replace or repair them. This has also proven to be a much larger task, we had two roofers visit and have another coming today. My husband has thankfully relaxed a bit since having the roofer out yesterday.

I am still reading my old journals while countlessly calling the unemployment office, going through their menu and then finally getting a message that they are too busy to accept my call. My next journal has the sugary memories of my first date and fling in my sophomore year of high school. I was so innocent and scared, I brought my older best friend on my date to the movies with a boy named Joe. Joe put his arm around me and it's adorable how uncomfortable this made me, I just squirmed until he got the idea that I did not like that.

For how obsessed I was with my own looks the attention I got from boys because of it only made me sick. Joe stared at me the whole movie and I couldn't watch the movie because of his intense stare so I tried to keep myself distracted with my friend. Somehow after I treated this boy so terrible the whole "date" he still asked me to be his girlfriend afterwards. I believe that relationship lasted exactly one weekend because I avoided him. Joe was a "bad boy" with red hair which is what drew me to him but also was what made me so scared of him.

What a fun thing to look back on, it was a lesson for little me to learn before figuring out who I am.

I have married a little nerd rule follower who is incredibly sweet and treats me like a princess everyday. He also is a princess and requires me to take care of him, which is good for me, I can get extremely self-obsessed and can't always see far enough outside of myself to be an attentive lover. He is a great match for me, I am so thankful that I met him, fell in love with him and married him.

Do you remember your first dance with romance? How do you think it shaped you into the person that you are today?